Muddled Musings

Settle Down

2012-01-29T19:33:00.002+05:30

Let's try this. Lets try writing someone a letter. Let's start with the first person in your address book.

Dear Abi Aunty, It's been ages since I wrote to you! Do you still have breast cancer or did the last operation do the trick? How's Alina's grand mom and whatever happened to their cats? Do you still play bridge tournaments with Uncle Bob? We had a friend from Australia visit recently. She knew mom before I was born so it's nice to hear stories of mom and dad's good ol' times while she was around. Her son, Sam is Zohrab's age and hasn't given up his bratiness and cracker-craze even after all these years. As kids, he teamed up with my brother, smuggled 20 boxes of aussie candy into a tent and ate them all in a day! This time he brought his girlfriend who was so very polite and well-behaved, I think mom wanted to adopt her by the end of their stay!

Dear Abha Sah, We're sorry Sam's pants are still with you. I recently realised one of my friends from Pune was going to Oz in Jan and could have easily taken it back with him. If mom had just let me think clearly instead of couriering them to you in Mumbai we wouldnt even be having this conversation!! Anyway, I gues you could give them away to anyone who would put them to good use!

Dear Shake! Is your beard still chest-long and shaggy? We missed you at Su's budday dinner. Actually her mom missed you most and so did the lonely bowl of gajar halwa! Wish you were still around or at least kept in touch more often. I have that link to your flickr gallery in my FB inbox. Must go check it out now!

PS: I still regret losing our Komodinator comic book!

Hi Osho! My boyfriend wanted to join the Osho community online! any advice? ;) Heard you're dating a familiar Bangalroe-based RJ, how's that going for you? I wish I didn't sound so bitter but I still remember you as the bald-headed whiner who broke my friend's heart!

Hi Alina, Ah, I should go back and watch your wedding video again! :) How's Glenn? Saw something about his new store..the car parts thing..on FB...tell me more about it. Are you in Toronto now? Vancouver? Or in the US? I've lost track...

Hi Pinto, Sir, I remember you telling me I look happier and calmer after I'd started working. I wonder if you've got your Phd yet! Your blog still running?? And I have half a mind of digging out that infamous Optional Eng paper and reading it again. You remember the one in which I failed by 2 marks and you refused to submit my answer sheet to the Exam dept cos of the obscenities I'd written?! I'm still wondering what YOU really thought of it and why you floated the idea of doing a paper on it, which was of course shot down by Sudhamshu, who thought I was looking for those extra 2 marks to pass the crappy mid-terms! Anyway, I hope you still have that mug I painted for you and hope you wife is loving the mickey mouse balding pattern. Cheers!

Hi Arpi, I'm not sure who you are! must be one of those autosave contacts that Gmail thought she was doing a favour for. Maybe you're from my old forwarding list. Hmmmm.

Hi Asma, You must be creeped out my the fact that I remember your grandmom was half parsi. Also, my view of you completely changed after I met Brian and saw what you made of him. Yeah, I do blame you and I am taking the boy's side. For once! But I still think you write awesomely, look great on your Gtalk profile and are the only sensible Google reader in town. Are you even in town...sounds like you're in Mumbai most statuses...

Hi Ayesha, I'm still in love with your perfect little face. So pretty and oh-so-enigmatic. You were the best senior prefect ever. Made it difficult to fill your shoes.

I am 23, going on 24...

2012-01-29T17:55:00.001+05:30

I never even imagined it. Not in my tamest dreams. I never thought I'd be actively thinking of getting married and settling down at 23. NO WAY! And now I can't find an un-corny way of saying 'I found the man of my dreams and I can't wait to get married and have his kids!!' It feels unreal, even writing about it. It only actually sunk in when I was at our fav coffee shop discussing the day we're gonna break it to our parents. The Sus are very much in the same boat and they're both pretty sure their moms are gonna have heart attacks. I just sit there wondering why everyone thinks Hindi serials are so lame when there's one unfolding in their own lives.

So I tell Juggy bout it on the way home and he just says 'You're lucky the Parsis kicked you out!'. It took me 3 whole mins to come to the happy realization that if I was brought up in a tight community like that, I'd have an arranged marriage shoved down my throat as well. It's just fortunate that my mom is one of the most open-minded parents on the face of this planet. And don't get ideas, I'm not dating a drug dealer! It's just nice to be able to dream about a white wedding without having to think of disgruntled aunts in the background! Fortunately, questions like, "Does he have shudra blood in him?" don't come flying my way. Well...mom did make him tear open a coconut 'cos she's stereotyped him as a Mallu fisherman! It was quite a task convincing him that he didn't NEED to spend 3 and half hours ripping apart the hard-shelled coconut just to prove his malluness, while concealing the giggles every time the sickle slipped from his hands. Poor Man!

I just don't get the prejudice and in the Sus' case, I don't get why "But this time it's different. This time I'm happy and in love" doesn't work. Does it really sound that naive?? They brought us up to the best of their ability and they'd be the first to boast about our promotions but when it comes to choosing the right man we're just not mature enough to make those decisions. "Um...You were married and pregnant with me at this age! remember?!"

The Fear

2012-01-29T17:34:00.001+05:30

There was a time when a blank page like this would serve as inspiration. Now it's just a timid invitation to scribble mindless junk. I've been trying to write sensible stuff lately. Stuff people can read and publish on websites and magazines and the like and it's not working. I end up being really boring and too politically correct. Blogging was cool until I realized people I haven't even met are reading this and judging me by it. It's easy to get duped when you're just sitting in your room in shorts with your laptop propped over a bag of chips.

I wanna write stuff which is genuine and will still be loved by whoever happens to read it. I thought that's what I was doing until I started begging for comments and likes and suddenly it wasn't about me anymore and I couldn't be honest anymore. I'm even considering giving up. I can only be totally me when I know no one's reading. Or if I'm in my comfort zone with people I can trust. I feel ME fading away bit by bit cos I have conditioned myself into thinking I can only be ME with him and he's not around as often as I want him to be. I don't want to be a sad, passive listener. Cos that's not who I am. Why am I scared of saying what I'm thinking even when I'm with my closest friends? I was never scared of sounding too blunt or looking like a complete jerk. Now I am. Now I'm not letting me be. And it's not fair to anyone anymore.

Saved Msgs

2011-11-14T22:51:00.001+05:30

These are things saved on my phone:
Thing 1: I did ? Not that you arent .
You my naughty angle .
Muah muah
His dyslexia is endearing.

Thing 2: No Me cuckoo for u! So cuckoo! Me love you...you you you! Love love love! Muah!
He's still SO cuckoo for me! :P I love the way we're still in love, sigh...

Thing 3: Ha ha true true didnt realize that :-* i want to lips you . Make sweet love to you baby muah .
Yeah that's a phone typo! He means kiss. Reading this still gives me tinglings. :) We were both virgins then and it surprised me how ready I was. How bold. This must have been the first time he mentioned sex and it didn't trouble me. Just turned me on.

Thing 4: U no skype me i want secret kissis
I used to skype him from work and the skype symbol was our secret kiss. *blush*

Thing 5: Oye dumdums! Don mess with my boyfriend! leave him alone! You'll have hell to pay if u dare to hurt him! U get?
To his jeering friends. Ugh! How I hate the way he's friends with people who tear into his barely existent ego. And you can't even call them fiends. He's true. He's true to them, the poor man. :-/

Thing 6: You set my life on fire
I was listening to the Doors at Xtreme and msged him the lyrics.

Thing 7: Baby i feel so bad we didn't talk . Sorry baby . Love you and i miss you .
Sincere. We still start conversations with 'Hi baby, how are you?' and he's the only one who'll listen to that answer. Even when it's not 'Fine, baby, how you?' He'll listen when it's whiny, ranty, squeaky, squealy, happy, smiley, grinny, mini, loud, outrageous, melty, wilty, guilty, tantrumy, or even tummy, yummy! Me loves him. Me does. grin.

Thing 8: Am it happened :-)
She was the first to know. :-)

Thing 9: Happy anniversary baby...i'm so happy with u I sometimes forget time and space...love u to bits! Oh you make me smile! I'll see u soon...muah muah muah!
14-03-2011. 2nd. I was at work. He was at home. Waiting.

AHA Moments

2011-10-27T19:34:00.001+05:30

23 Sept 11
I want to feel more me!
I don't like work me
I don't smile as much
and I want Oreos now.

3 Aug 11

I've never had stability and I don't care much for it.

25 July 11

I'm not sure

i dont have that comforting determination feeling at the pit of my stomach

I'm just not sure

and it has a lot to do with anxiety

21 July 11
I'm still the same person
It won't change it won't make me better
It wont relax me
I'm still lonely and needy and clingy
i still cry
i still type like a madman

6 months

I'm going to work towards it.

i have a goal now.

12 July 11

Love is strange

love lingers

it's that tingly feeling at the pit of your stomach

it's the heartbreak at the end of a phonecall

Farewell Rakhee

Your grinning face, your working pace

Your hunger for food and knowledge

Your friendly wink, the way you think,

And all your handsome crushes

These are the things we’ll miss the most

About the girl from Trivandum coast!

All the best, Rakhee!

Thanks for everything!

Knowledge Management Team

Enchanting-Travels

Wild Things

I could change the widlest thing that didn't want saving

They might come back to you

Wild things sometimes do

Sharu Bday

Pencils

Jotted

Land

Shrinking

Etching

Sketched

Doing

No matter how 'ADULT' you get, you're still gonna be immortally beautiful, exceedingly intelligent, cynically witty, contagiously amusing and altogether way too much fun to be around. I LOVE YEW!!! *sloppy kisses and bear hugs*

23 May 11

Who am I kidding

This isnt mixed feelings

Im unhappy

I cant be entirely happy

I lie when I say I'm thrilled

Dylan

I’ve been listening to Dylan music since….before I was born! My dad was a huge fan, so much so that ‘Forever Young’ became his epitaph. I remember being asked to copy out the song onto handmade paper as a child. The calligraphy version was pinned up in my room for years. Growing up, I remember listening to ‘Blowing in the Wind’, ‘Tamborine Man’ and particularly ‘It Ain’t Me Babe’ from old, worn-out cassettes. In college, when asked to read out my favourite piece of literature, I chose to take the treasured Dylan lyrics book out of the house and into the classroom. Even though Dylan has been recognized as civil rights activist, to me, he’ll always be the great lyricist whose music is absolutely timeless…Happy Birthday Dylan!

12 May 11

When they said ‘Save it for a rainy day!’, they meant today

I thank the little girl who made me smile and make funny faces at her

I thank the red Volvo that splashed a whole puddle on me

5 May 11

They plastered blue glycerine over the windows.

The purple flowers look purposefully blue.

18 Apr 11

Summertime

and the living is easy

TMI

2011-10-27T00:49:00.000+05:30

'Balance whoosh! :( loved the chat. :) whatever you decide I'm here-to talk about the gory details or the mundane ones! =D just put up the bat sign, bat girl (me) will be there in a bit! =P'- AWme, 24.08.2010, 12:18am.
Our first gory details conversation took the life outta our phones!!

Gory Details:
'Baby think u've felt all the parts of me I can comfortably let u...' To TanTan, 02.05.2010, 2:59pm

'I just want to lie in ur arms n do nothing at all...' To TanTan, 02.05.2010, 2:56pm
'Ur lips are amazing too..n next time i'm gonna rip ur shirt open! ;)' To TanTan, 02.05.2010, 2:49pm
'Noone's gone wild over my body before..it's really amazing actually.' To TanTan, 02.05.2010, 2:48pm

I have to admit the one reason I liked him was cos he liked me for the way I looked. Never happened before.
To my knowledge.

'I like u. I'm attracted to u and I know this can't go very far cos we live very different lives...so it's ok with me...I'm upset now...but i'll make my peace with it..thanks for being such a sweetheart..I like the way u care..it makes me feel special :)' To TanTan, 11.04.2010, 2:18am

'Surprising that we r messaging big time.' TanTan, 27.03.2010, 12:32pm

'Big time' is not the word! 4000+ msgs in total. Just 6 months

'Thanks for being honest and telling me everything. Trust is what matters in every relationship Ur amazing' TanTan, 28.03.2010, 1:11am

That's one thing. We stayed honest.

'Trust Ur voice is amazing. It's loud and clear. Impresed' TanTan, 27.03.2010, 12:17pm
That's why he fell for me. He says.

'Hey u seem to be tensed. Don't worry every thing is gonna be ok. Tomorrow is Ur first day have fun. All the best I am sure u will do well and grow faster.' TanTan, 28.03.2010, 10:15pm

That was an awfully never ending moment in time.I told my boss I was leaving. He called him into the little room, suffocatingly little. I can remember being unsure. He wasn't. He knew this was good for me. Supportive. Even today.

'Ur hot and sexy anyways. After all Ur my gal should be that way. Wat say sugar?' TanTan, 08.04.2010, 12:14am

Day of the first kiss :) I still quiver when I remember it.

'I donno babe..I really really like u...but..yeah...it's gonna be tough..let's just take it one day at a time...n see how it goes...' TanTan, 03.05.2010, 2:14pm

I can fearlessly say it went well. Now I can say it wasn't tough. It didn't involve tears and I liked it.

'I'm lying on the bed without a shirt on...they are missing u ;)' To TanTan, 02.05.2010, 3:40pm

I like his word for them.
Now I do.

'Try not to think too much babe! U've been very honest from the start so I don think there's Much chance of me getting hurt...let's keep it simple...what say?' To TanTan, 03.05.2010, 2:20pm

Connect the dots.

'See that's what i'm saying...i always stop u when I'm not fine with smt...so it's cool' To TanTan, 02.05.2010, 3:06pm

'I don't wanna hurt u any cost. If u look at life realistically its gonna be real tough. I keep thinking about it.' TanTan, 03.05.2010, 2:17pm

Her Morning Elegance - Oren Lavie

2011-10-24T11:14:00.001+05:30

Sun been down for days
A pretty flower in a vase
A slipper by the fireplace
A cello lying in its case

Soon she's down the stairs
Her morning elegance she wears
The sound of water makes her dream
Awoken by a cloud of steam
She pours a daydream in a cup
A spoon of sugar sweetens up

And She fights for her life
As she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain
As it pours
And she fights for her life
As she goes in a store
With a thought she has caught
By a thread
She pays for the bread
And She goes...
Nobody knows

Sun been down for days
A winter melody she plays
The thunder makes her contemplate
She hears a noise behind the gate
Perhaps a letter with a dove
Perhaps a stranger she could love

And She fights for her life
As she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain
As it pours
And she fights for her life
As she goes in a store
With a thought she has caught
By a thread
She pays for the bread
And She goes...
Nobody knows

And She fights for her life
As she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain
As it pours
And she fights for her life
Where people are pleasently strange
And counting the change
And She goes...
Nobody knows

Ghosts - Laura Marling

2011-10-24T11:05:00.000+05:30

Do as done and there is nothing left to be
Turned out Id been following him and he'd been following me
Do as done after it was over
We were just two lovers crying on each others shoulder

Lover, please do not
Fall to your knees
Its not
Like I believe in
Everlasting love

Lover, please do not
Fall to your knees
Its not
Like I believe in
Everlasting love

Dog Days are Over - Florence and the Machine

2011-10-23T22:40:00.001+05:30

Happiness hit her like a train on a track
Coming towards her stuck still no turning back
She hid around corners and she hid under beds
She killed it with kisses and from it she fled
With every bubble she sank with her drink
And washed it away down the kitchen sink

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are coming
So you better run

Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father
Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your love and your longing behind
You cant carry it with you if you want to survive

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
'Cause here they come

And I never wanted anything from you
Except everything you had and what was left after that too, oh
Happiness hit her like a bullet in the back
Struck from a great height by someone who should know better than that

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
'Cause here they come

Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father
Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your loving, your longing behind
You can't carry it with you if you want to survive

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
'Cause here they come

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are coming
So you better run

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are coming
So you better run

Time Capsuled

2011-10-23T22:31:00.001+05:30

Balance Khali..btw **** and I are 'friends with benefits' now..we talked bout it after snogging session..christmas party night..we realised it's all physical only and we can't tell anyone so it's random hooking up whenever sort of a thing..funny part is it doesn't interfere with us being friends cos neither of us have feelings for each other..good right?

-I've had my share of flings. Wipe that shocked expression off your face already! I've been kissed by a sloppy puppy, an over confident ass and a senior manager.

I like it when you say 'Oh Baby!', it makes me want to tease you more.

-I still can't delete these...

Watching one of my fav movies..Shall We Dance?

-Just added that on FB.

Missing you all over again! call if you can...

-Forwarded.

Fuck! I could write such a sexy romance novel right now :)

-On the way to Goa..we were sexting...ok...I was sexting :P

You move your fingers down to my shoulders just where my curls end and scrunch them up in time with a large hard kiss and you moan and I moan...

-This was hardly a week after we met..sigh...

Miss you tons! what you doing? Cough better?

-He had a fever when he was here an curled up in bed with him and it was like sleeping with a giant hot water bottle...

I'm at my ancestral house in old Goa. It's so beautiful my camera is going mad!!

-23rd Jan 2011. 11:56am

Enchanting 3ee

2011-10-23T11:26:00.003+05:30

I wish I could tell you I'm playing Angry Birds and it's the only thing on my mind.
I'm not in the mood for small talk
I'll eat all the pasta myself if I have to
_________________________________________________________

Was on my way home
With a bubbling smile on my face
I looked out of the window at the billboards and I saw pain
In all the poses, in all the eyes, the same pained expression.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
The road was untarred
But it was ours
And i could see him trying to destroy it
Frustrated,
I saved the laptop from being crushed by a lorry
And then his family came, his daughters
'I left him out for 5 minutes, just 5', she says
I ignore the call from the boys landline, thinking to myself, Today's a mess!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Somedays you wake up happy and somedays you don't.
Somedays make you smile and somedays you just don't!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mac

2011-10-07T18:33:00.001+05:30

This keyboard has the keys

I'm not even writing

I'm floating over the keys

It's almost as if I'm doing this randomly cos I want to block out what's going on

While I type this out there are people laughing, eating, breaking.

Flirting, faking, nothing.

3 dead mosquitoes

2011-08-28T23:22:00.001+05:30

I want to tell someone I love them
I want to tell someone I long for them
I want to sigh out loud
and kill a mosquito with it

She moved a lot as a child
She was moved a lot as a child
She just sighed everytime she lost a friend
She just sighed
and killed a mosquito with it

Welcome to her world
unstable as it is
It grew her strong
She grew up,
out,
in,
around...
Her world sighed her out of its arms
Killing mosquitoes with it

She knew herself as a child
And as her knowing grew
so did this bucket of paint
hanging above the porch
gathered dead mosquitoes

I long for that one gentle kiss
To tell me that this unstability is
all just a way of counting dead mosquitoes
that this insecurity is just a way of saying
goodbye to childhood

I don't mind laughing too loud or crying too hard
Show her what you got other than yellow sticky paint,
black polka dots
a broken heart and 3 dead mosquitoes

Flaming Torch

2011-08-26T19:04:00.002+05:30

I can easily see myself getting married to him, having kids with him, growing old with him.

And part of me doesn't want to.

Cos these means I'll never have another first kiss.

Another jittery heart

Another...sigh...

I can't begin to imagine it without him.

Another dream, yes. But what if I called him everyday to tell him bout my new jitter

And what if my new jitter was just him.

Cos heart's are flaky

And mine flakes out.

Flames out.

Flames In.

Flames out.

I don't know what I’m talking but anymore.

But you know...that!

Cry

2011-08-15T22:22:00.000+05:30

It's funny that the theme for this week's photo contest is crying.
I spent an afternoon doing it and it didn't make me feel any better..like it sometimes does.
I feel empty and shapeless
I sound haunted and angsty again
I haven't cried this hard in a long time
It's not an alcohol induced pain relived
It's real and it won't go away
This blog's been filled with happy posts lately
and I HAVE been happy lately
I just need to cry now
Go away
Don't bring tissue paper
Just make it go way
Put it off
Enough.
----------------------------------
He's mine.
It's alright if I send him train confirmation messages
I can be insecure with him
I can show him I'm insecure about some things
I can be weak with him
Isn't that what you wish for sometimes?
Someone you can be weak with?
Someone who'll love you for your greatest insecurities...
And help you realise you've always had the strength to not only hide but fight them.
That's who he is for me now. and I know I can't give him up.
a drug that does that for you is indispensable...A person...

Just OK

2011-08-03T19:31:00.001+05:30

I'd rather think of my deepest wish than my deepest sorrow.
Wishing on stars is a way of asking yourself what you really want most.
I'd rather not have anything to wish for.

Knowing this is probably the best time of my life
Is making it harder not to find flaws with the way things are.
I love the way things are.
Things still go wrong.
But I'm ok.
I still cry like a baby when I think of it.
But Im ok.

I'm stronger now.
Than I've ever been.
I'm quirky now.
Naughty now.
Grinning now.
And it's ok.

Happyness

2011-07-18T14:38:00.000+05:30

Hi Babyness,
How you been?
Lovely eh?
hehe
Happiness
Train on a track
Life's on track. The dog days are over.
Checkboxes. :D
The horses are coming.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I feel like I have a goal now. a purpose. Something to work towards. to look forward too. It's thrilling :)

Golden Words

2011-06-20T18:57:00.002+05:30

I'm happy with the way things are.
I love the way things are a little more than I love you.
That's what I told him
It's true.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dug Up Draft

2011-06-13T18:42:00.000+05:30

He's here! he's here! he're HEERRREEEE!!!
Haven't been this excited in a long time :)

Dug this up from a lazy/otherwise-occupied day in March. ;)

I think it's time again for those random saved msgs on my phone to get transfered to cyberspace. So here goes...

At some point I take off his glas..blur his vision..he kises my cheek in an attempt to get them back..u can guess the rest...

If I were standing i'd know I'm weak in the knees, if I were blushing he'd know i'm weak in the knees. If I were holding his hand i'd know i'm slipping away...

Baby! I love you and it's reached the point where it hurts...

Spoke to Adi...feel better now :-)

Oh my gosh i'm so in love...i found u finally...

But for the sky, there are no fences facing! Hope you guys have a super, Dylanesque day! :-)

Am your sunshine, am your rain... :-)

Hi Sonia I will be late to work today as I have some bank work to complete. I hope that yesterd...

I'm going alone then...

Mom msged...

Hey guess what..i'm revisiting the place we got caught by the cops--remember? He he...good times ;-)

Right. I am not sure why but she hasn't been meeting a lot of her friends. Confirmed with her, says it's not because of nothing's that happened between us. Just a phase, I guess! Not sure if she'd want to meet. Just my two cents, okay? You are free to call her and try to meet her...

Crying is a good way of letting go...I donno bout u but I feel relieved after a good cry...You're strong Vek...never forget that...u will get thru this...

Thanks for not telling. Really appreciate! :-D let's get pasted sometime!

Leading upto that feeling are the creased forehead, the crinkled eyes, the frown, the dreamy look, the mindless laughter, the crappy line of argument, the need for something, the confusion, the dejected acceptance of something, the eventual exhilaration and sometimes, the disappointment...

Did u mean 'stranger' or 'stronger' ? That's a quote from Friedrich Nietzsche...

=D Baking a smile to a half well-done. Making it as long as a trip to the sun. Waking it up early, putting it to bed. Making sure it's between whatever I've said . When I got a wide list of troubles but a wider set of grins, I just knock 'em back like a couple'a gins!

Love You

2011-05-19T19:11:00.001+05:30

I'm loving this
I like work because I'm glued to my earphones all day and I just click click away
I love you cos I don't have to listen to you all day
I wish I could kiss you away.

More than you know I love life
Cos this is just where I want to be right now
i'm who I've always wanted to be
Confident
Silly
Romantic
Beautiful
Awesomely Talented
Just me :)
Yes, I love this just the way it is.

Sin or Sinner?

2011-05-18T18:14:00.003+05:30

No this is not a philo speech.
This is just me.

I dont like you when you talk to me that way.
There are times I'm so annoyed with you I just want to scream but I don't
I've had enough of you for the day.
Good bye.

rhymes

2011-05-03T18:41:00.003+05:30

Ironing jeans
Waiting on new dreams

Glowing embers
Shrinking Decembers

Checked Shirts
Grey Skirts

Enchanting 2oo

2011-04-14T19:09:00.025+05:30

08/04/2011

I wish he would call
I'm not clingy or insecure but I wish he would call.

25/03/2011

A short good bye now

A short goodbye now

A short goodbye

We kissed at the busstop.

Kalasipalya!

That dutty place!

Thu!

24/03/2011

You make my heart skip beats

I want to wake up to you everyday

Just so I can hear you breathe

14/03/2011

The music helped. The rum, honey and chocolate mousse did nothing to deter.

I can’t say it was physical.

Take all our blind minutes together and make long, sultry summer days.

Come here my skinny love

Gimme some of your patience.

Loose yourself on me.

Tie me to you

I love you to extinction

08/02/2011

Taking out the map and

Cut it up in pieces

Taped it up together with no space between us

04/01/2011 12:12 pm

get urself together woman

this is not allowed

its forbidden

just dont let it happen to u

it cant!!!!!

it's funny how pain eats pain

And if I were holding your hand you would know I'm unsure

But if you were holding it like you needed to

I would hold on like I never needed to let go.

he's slipping out of my fingers

I can feel it happening.

16/12/2010

Why it's more awesome to be Dark Skinned:

1. You don't need to Wax as often!

2. You can wear tight shoes and the marks won't show.

3. Hickies are not as evident. Plus they heal faster!

4. Scratchmarks don't go red!

5. Guys don't look like babies once they shave.

6. Pimples are not as evident

7. You don't look pale and dead with no make up.

8. People don't go around pinching your cheeks.

9. You don't blush as much!

10. You don't get called Firang!

11. Crying is less evident.

12. Dark Circles are less evident.

I can think of only 2 disadvantages:

1. Black n white pictures don't look THAT great.

2. All colours don't suit you.

Relationship Status

2011-04-08T14:17:00.005+05:30

She sticks her head out of the window of the bus and lets the wind ruffle her hair.
The rain doesn't trouble her this year.
Neither does the cold.
She's growing old.

Well, at least this way you can say you never say him cry.
Hold me tight, let me go on loving you

'Defeat on either side is not an option'

Random Eyes

2011-04-08T13:15:00.000+05:30

Remember we're alive
Use me tonight

No amount of Whiskey
No Wine
Sway to the rhythm of love
Pah Pah Pah Pah

Use me tonight
If it feels better to you
You can use me Darling
You can use me tonight
I've gotta have you
falling in two
Gotta have you

I wanna build a little igloo
Get up dup dup dup
Get me some money too
So much for that

I just got to see what's here
Baby I want you at my Summer
I want you to be mine

Marley N Me

2011-03-25T00:16:00.001+05:30

There was more Hot Chocolate and less icecream...but she wasn't complaining...
"Hi Adi"
"Blah, Blah, Blah, Gotta go. I'll call you later?"
"Yeah ok"
"Sorry Par."
"Don't say sorry. Just go."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She didn't want to admit she was feeling lonely.
Cos this is a feeling she thought she wouldn't have to feel anymore.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There was a girl puking her guts out on the pavement.
I gave her the crumpled Corner House tissue.
Without even taking out my headphones, I passed her by.
Half a good deed for the day.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm wearing his Marley T :)
I called him too.
But I didn't want to be cheered up by someone.
So even if he had tried, it wouldn't have worked.
I wanted to cheer myself up.
Just to prove it's still possible.

Smiles appeared through a Jack Johnson song.
A live version which starts with him declaring the song 'happy'...
_____________________________________________________________

Lyrical Coda 2oo

2011-03-18T17:34:00.000+05:30

You’ve got a secret smile for me

I know who I want to take me home.

Slow motion see me let go

If I turn into another

I’m not crazy I’m just a little unwell

These days are gone

There’s a little bit of something in me

And everything in You

You’ll find out if there’s someone to cry about

I gotta grip on myself and it feels nice.

You saved me the day you came alive

You come swimming into view

I carry you around in the background

I’ve never been so alive

I would like to build something

But you'll never see it happen.

Every little thing you do is tragic

Every direction leads me away

And All I want is to be home…

Gazillion watt grin :D

2011-03-17T14:02:00.001+05:30

Code monkey not a funny man
Code monkey like you

Wierd things amuse me
Amusing things freak me out
Classical music for example.

Gazillion watt grin
The goodness of life in general makes me grin

Doing my own thing
Getting pretty caught up by the job, job swing :)

Very often you're asked 'How's work?'
Not often you can answer 'Love it!'

This is one of those moments in life when everything is in it's right place.
And you're so scared something is on the verge of ruining it.
One person deserves to be this happy.
Don't you think?

I'm Lovin' it!

2011-03-01T14:28:00.002+05:30

I just HAVE to tell you bout this.
I just do!

It's discovery of this quarter of the year!
Yes, it is!

http://www.thesixtyone.com/

Don't ask stupid questions like, why 61! Just listen!

My Valentine Song

2011-02-14T19:33:00.004+05:30

This song deserves mention.
Somewhere.

Gotta Have You
The Weepies

Gray, quiet and tired and mean
Picking at a worried seam
Itry to make you mad at me over the phone.
Red eyes and fire and signs
I'm taken by a nursery rhyme
I want to make a ray of sunshine and never leave home

No amount of coffee, no amount of crying
No amount of whiskey, no amount of wine
No, nothing else will do
I've gotta have you, I've gotta have you.

The road gets cold, there's no spring in the middle this year
I'm the new chicken clucking open hearts and ears
Oh, such a prima donna, sorry for myself
But green, it is also summer
And I won't be warm till I'm lying in your arms

I see it all through a telescope: guitar, suitcase, and a warm coat

Lying in the back of the blue boat, humming a tune...

How Jagat Loved Me

2011-02-09T17:45:00.007+05:30

It was love at first touch.

The kind of love that starts with lust

It was love at first touch.

I can’t explain it the way you want it explained. But I can say so much.

I’ll never get over it. I don’t want to.

There was sand pouring out of his ear.

There was a gash on his neck.

There was blush on mine.

We didn’t talk about it.

They did.

We didn’t giggle about it.

They did.

We didn’t hide it.

They…

Needless to say, Tups, Tash, AWme and Niki (a.k.a. Nboy) were in the know. They seemed to know better than we did.

To make this less of love story would be a crime. To leave out the ferry ride and the strange meals would be worse.

There was one evening when I found myself sitting on a rock with waves crashing all around me. I had the hugest grin on my face just thinking of how good life is and
all the things I should be so grateful for. Sigh...

Life’s been treating me well and keeping me happy. There wasn’t a regret or an empty space to fill. And yet, when he came in, it fit.

Again I can’t explain how it happened. Just that it did.

Somewhere between the stars and sea.

When I fell in love with you

Every star in the sky knew

Every grain of sand knew

Every wave of the ocean knew

I myself had no clue

This night was unmistakably the life of the fantasy. At one point I couldn’t help exclaiming how the stars seemed to be giving birth to younger twinkles. At another I couldn’t stop him from hiding my view of the twinkling sky.

Later, they talked of how it was enviable, exciting, every girls dream…

We hardly talked at all.

Truth & Truth. Memory. 7Up.

There was one evening of drunken games.

Mushrooms. Hookah. Weed.

There was one evening of stoned bliss.

Sunset. Watermelon. Prawns.

There was one evening of satisfaction.

Much to everyone’s pure excitement, we stayed an extra night.

The way I see it, there were only 2 times we journeyed through the field of flowers. Once when we were rushing to cancel tickets and once when we were rushing to catch our bus. Both times, it was thoroughly ignored!

There is just one more auto driver story to tell. But I’m afraid it will take way too long…just like he did.

Back on the beach, we’ve made new friends. We’ve created Prawn Bonds and Girly Giggles. We’ve taken way too many pictures to fit on one camera…

It was the first thing I liked about him. His DSLR. I almost drowned it in sauce once. But that’s beside the point. I was promptly forgiven. Just like the cows that ate our veggies and drank our whiskey. Ok, not JUST like that!

When all the bottles were empty and the bills tallied, we had one last hour of revelry. We still weren’t talking about it. They were.

Well-travelled-English-lady: So you’re going to Pune and she’s going to Bangalore?

Us: Yes.

WTEL: So, what’s going to happen with you two?

Us: We don’t know!

WTEL: Will your parents be ok if you said you’ve met someone and you want to go to Pune to meet him?

Me: Yes.

WTEL: Will your parents be ok if you said you’ve met someone and wanted to marry her?

Him: Yes.

WTEL: Well, not necessarily her, but you know…

Later, after he had left, I went back to say goodbye to WTEL and she said, ‘I had cancer last year and I thought I’d never come to

India

again and here I am. You can’t give up darling. It’ll happen if it has to.’

I was near tears as she hugged me and said ‘Have a good life!’
I’d never thought of it like that. But these beach buddies were just once-in-a-lifetime friends. Friends, who may have changed the once and the lifetime.

How I Loved Jagat

2011-02-09T15:56:00.002+05:30

This is a true story. A real one. Nothing exaggerated. Nothing embellished. This is a true story. This is how I fell in love…

The sea is a special thing. It reflects you in a way you don’t like to see yourself. It reflects you in a pure melted state of mind.

The beach is a sandy thing. It gets into places you least expected. It’s clean when it’s really dirt!

The bonfire was a romantic thing. It keeps us warm and cozy. It keeps us wondering how we ever would have lived without it.

Amsterdam. Shoulders. July.

Waves crashed onto our toes. The multicoloured skirt was paired with a strappy black thing. I was to be paired with a half-Finnish thing. Waves crashed onto our toes.

SunBoy: *months of the year in Finnish*

Pari: *months of the year in Finnish*

RBoy: *months of the year in Finnish*

SunBoy: *Legal/Illegal things in Amsterdam*

RBoy: *Legal/Illegal things in Amsterdam*

Pari: I’m cold…

…And the hand will go around the shoulder.

How We Named Jagat

2011-02-09T14:53:00.003+05:30

Cows. Harsh. Om.

So this is why this place is called 'Cow's Ear'
You can't walk a straight line without stepping into cow poo…wait, cow poo is too cute a word! Bullshit just about covers it.

TmP (a.k.a. Pari), SharBear (a.k.a. AWme) and Tups are in a rickety little auto winding our way towards the beach. Robin Hood Auto driver (a.k.a. Harsh) is pleased with our parcels and our pockets...The first glance of Om beach is a heart-stopping, breathtaking moment. The rickiti-ness of the auto increases with the ascent.

Tups: If TmP managed to get that bus, we'll manage to get a place at Ganesh Cafe.
SharBear: We better! These bottles are making my bag heavy! :(
TmP: I wonder if they sell batteries here. I need to get my camera working.

Arrival. Brunch. Bliss.

TmP: *looks at scenery, drools over hash-browns, smiles in serenity*
Tups: *hyperactive bunny hop* OMG, OMG, OMG!
SharBear: *unable to complete her sentences* Those guys are arr...

Tired Town. Multi-coloured Skirts. Tag-alongs.

It wasn’t love at first sight. The first time TmP saw him she could only think of how badly she really wanted to cross the road and spend whatever little she had rolled into her pocket.
It wasn’t love at first sight. The second time Tups saw him she could only think of how badly she really wanted to cross the road and spend whatever little she had rolled into her pocket.
It wasn’t love at first sight. The last time SharBear called him she could only think of how badly she really wanted him to be here.

Tash: Poof! Me so tired.
Nboy: Damn! It’s hot here!
Rboy: Hi, I’m Rohit…
SharBear: You are not a Rohit. You are a Jagat!

Silence. Laughter. Acceptance.

How I Met Jagat

2011-02-09T12:39:00.003+05:30

Destiny, Auto drivers and Sand. Yes, lots of sand :)

It just happened. Nothing planned. Nothing contrived. It's almost like the universe spun a certain way that day just to make things happen the way they did. And boy am I glad they did!

Chemistry Sale.
Pari is pulling off everything in S size off the shelves. Driving the salesgirls up the wall!
AWme calls. 'I'm booking tickets for Goks. You comin?'
Pari, just spotting the purple not-on-sale dress, 'Yeah Sure. Only one day of sick leave right?'

Sugama Travels.
Only 4 right-at-the-back seats available. Travel agent calls to ask if it's fine to give it to 3 city girls.
AWme: We'll bash him up, no worries, Uncle ji.
Me: Wow! we're really going?!

13th Jan, 2010, 9pm. Desperation.
AWme: What the fuck are you doing in a bus! Get an auto. I can't hold up this bus any longer.
Pari: It's not the busstops, it's the fucking traffic lights!!

13th Jan, 2010, 9.35pm. Lost Cause
Pari: I'm at the metro construction place.
AWme: We passed that ages ago.
Pari: Fuck it! I can see myself going to work tomorrow. It's never gonna happen.
Superman Auto Driver: Sugama Travels?
Pari (near tears): Yes.
Sharp turn. A blur of Travels signs. A nilsbidi.
Pari: 'The bus to Gokarna. Has it left?'
Counter Guy: 10-15 mins
Pari: It left 10-15 mins ago?
Counter Guy: No. It's getting here in 10-15 mins!
Ok he may not have included the exclamation, but I did!

13th Jan, 2010, 9.50pm. Excitement
I can't believe this is really happening.
ATM. Mallu Shop. Biscuits. Vaseline. Wait.

13th Jan, 2010, 10.34pm. Comfort
Munching Pakodas in the bus.
Last-ticket guy offers to share his blanket with AWme.
Tups needs to pee.
It's all good.

Little Miss Laugh-a-lot

2011-02-01T19:26:00.000+05:30

I'm easily amused.
Smiles are easy.

Lurrrve Poems ;)

2011-01-20T16:37:00.002+05:30

Scrolling up and down my wrap around
You tiptoe to my lips
Fingers knit in knots
A mist of curls
You leave each shoulder kissed

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Common Knowledge

When I fell in love with you

Every star in the sky knew
Every grain of sand knew
Every wave of the ocean knew
I myself had no clue

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Time: 2011

2011-01-07T01:47:00.001+05:30

Hi You,
How you doing?? *wink wink*

Yes, I'm flirting with time.
Wanna join the warp?
Muah New Year!

You be good to me. I be good to you. Deal?

Yes, I'm bargaining with time.
Are you part of the business plan?
Be Sincere New Year!

I'll always be grateful for you.

Yes, I'm thanking time.
Will you be appreciated?
Thanks and Regards, New Year!

You don't exist to me.

Yes, I'm ignoring time.
Make yourself invisible.
Go Away New Year!

How does that make you feel?

Yes, I'm counseling time.
Comfortable on that couch?
Relax, New Year!

What difference does it make?

Yes, I'm trivializing time.
Buy me one o' those machines.
Common, Grow up,
It's a New Year!

3 old friends

2010-12-14T18:51:00.003+05:30

Bloodgirl is a thirsty bitch

She donates and then

Makes murder lists

Fevergirl is wanna-be
She rain-dances 'round
A florescent tree

Then there's one that you depend on
She'll feed and mend and cut for u
But for herself she wouldn't move

This year, Bloodgirl only got thirstier
Fevergirl wrote me a christmas letter
And the third's got someone to care for her...

I can't quite remember...
Were my 3 old friends
Friends of each other as well?

So I'm here writin...

2010-12-14T18:31:00.000+05:30

An emptiness
that is for sure

I don't know who he was or what he would become
I don't know what I want him to grow into
Let's just say nothing
Emptiness captures it

Clicked again
Almost lost

Instead of doing
I...
Yes
How do I save it?
sigh

Red Lust

2010-12-14T18:18:00.000+05:30

So I give in n buy myself a red umbrella
They say these are the kind of things u wait for

And I'm falling
I'm falling in lust
It's absurd
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reading this back to myself it feels like that was the last time I was really obsessed with something inanimate.
Worth a post?

Patient Life

2010-12-13T19:24:00.000+05:30

There was chocolate cake and gold watches and a kiss.
There was old school campus, office friends and a meeting.
There was Ajit uncle, purple flowers and a ride.

Just when you think life can't get any stranger...
The wildest of dreams comes true.

Just as you thought you wouldn't remember...
The strongest of colours is blue.

Just when you think it's something to treasure...
The richest of pleasures is you.

Glittering Teardrops

2010-12-13T18:49:00.001+05:30

Chocolate dissolves pretty much any mood.
I spend a quater of my salary on it

I wanna know you inside out
All previous posts have a reason for why I'm writing
Still writing when it's not even witty or heart-wrenchingly sincere any more
This post is to prove me wrong.

There
You go
Again'

Sari Day pics are out

light up the world
smile
tears still left behind
where?

Enchanting

2010-11-12T18:52:00.010+05:30

Incomplete poems from work.

17.04.2010

Somewhere in between

the whole scene

broken mirrors

that's clear enough

high, stoned,

3.05.2010

He's falling for me

And he doesn't know what to do

Cos the harder he falls,

The harder it gets to break away.

He's scared for me

And he doesn't know what to do

Cos the more he protects,

The more I'm likely to get hurt.

He’s good for me

And I don’t know what to do

Cos the closer he comes,

The further I want to go.

June 2010

Talking about it is not gonna make it go away.

But it sorta helped.

i CAN FEEL THE TEARS DRYING UP IN MY EYES AND AND TISSUE PAPER'S NOT AN ISSUE ANYMORE.

01.08.2010

Fall for you

please don’t make me fall for you

just promise me I'll never love you

that you'll always be unattainable and forbidden

so I can just be the tease without the guilt

Free to freeze at any given quilt

Please please don't fall for me

11.08.2010

Birds Migrate, People Migrate, Software Migrates!

Recently, in the Bangalore office there has been a big change

Losing your software is like losing a familiar friend. It’s difficult to change from something we’ve got comfortable with. Even with all its flaws, Microsoft was an enduring companion to us. And now it’s time to...

23.08.2010

I have Superego problems.

My morality wont let me do things that I would otherwise enjoy.

03.09.2010

I'm so used to not getting what I want, I've made a habit of it now.

I take it for granted sometimes.

Those SOML moments when I settle for less knowing I could never ask for more.

It may seems a little Oliver-Twisty but I really do deserve him

happyness

Maybe i'm jus fooling myself thinking i'd be that happy but I think its worth a shot

But I know I wont run after it cos i'm not made like that

I'm constructed for pain and misery and a lifetime of longing

and it sometimes just feels so inevitable and so ME.

I wouldn't ask for something I know is way out of my reach

I wont get involved in something knowing I don't deserve it

I wont push myself to try any harder to get the best

and yet I give the best to this half life ive been given

and it seems like im powerless and broken

when I know im really happy and its all in my head and upto me to make those decisions

09.11.2010

You know you're an adult when you refuse a free piece of pizza

Easy

2010-11-09T03:50:00.000+05:30

I'm waiting for something to make me smile.
I don't mind if it's your auto driver story or the one about the bad haircut
Just make me smile again
I stay at home when I depressed
No one sees me sigh

life gets easy from that point on
Like holding hands and touching knees
what would you make of me?
grow a little taller boy
So I can rest my head on your shoulder
grow a little taller
Her morning Elegance
Not mine

life gets easy after that point

Blind Blogging

2010-11-06T03:11:00.001+05:30

Blank expression
I may have just made the confession of my life
Blank expression
That's not how you want your 'I love you's faced.

I'm telling you when I smile this way
It's not my fault you know me that well
I'm telling you when I hold you this way
It's not my fault you know just how far to go
I'm telling you when I am this way
It's not my fault you're so far away.

It's a cliffhanger of a moment
And either way it goes you've already taken the leap
It's a cliffhanger of a moment
And either way it goes you've fallen and taken him with you

In a world where there's 'nothing left to lose'
There's hardly anything you could gain
Letting go is a funny way of hoping for the best
When you're giving life the least.

Spring Cleaning 2oo!

2010-09-26T21:19:00.002+05:30

I’m doing this cos I have nothing else to do plus this is a sort of clearing up weekend like any other. I clean my room. I clear my mind. I clean my phone. I clean up my facebook albums. And sometimes I clean up my music as well. Arranging, Organising, Sorting, Dusting, Throwing Away. This sort of thing. It’s not that I like doing it. But I do it well and I love the result.

It just started raining and this is a natural way of clearing the streets. Of people.

I lost my red umbrella last Friday. Not lost as much as gave it away. Let go.

My obsession was with the metaphor rather than the umbrella itself so I gave it away.

Not for good. Just for now.

Fools in love. Is there any other kind? Of fools or Love?

The Internet is down so I have to take a break from uploading and switch to MS word. Oh how I’ve missed ya!

So back to the msgs:

My phone’s been acting up cos I refuse to delete them.

So here goes:

'Mercury B. Faroukh Bulsara

5^th Sept 1946

Zanzibar

Her royal highness, Queen Elizabeth II was the surprised recipient of thousands of fan letters in 1976 when the GPO mistakenly delivered the mail to the wrong queen!'- Su

This is from Stones. The table in the corner just before the loo. It’s been ages since we sat there together.

There was this one night when I was lacking self-confidence and I needed other ppl to tell me just how special I am.

‘I wouldn’t change anything..In fact you’re so unique that I would not change anything in you..’ – Am

‘You being original. I won’t change that.. That’s what I was tryin to say in the previous msg..’- Am, 15.02.2010; 1:52 am.

I’ve made a new rule. I won’t keep any messages that are older than 6 months. That still leaves 11,290 of them but it’s still an improvement!

It seems the first smileys were in the bible long before ppl started using them on the internet.

‘Yes. Found one more in Hebrews Seven. Twenty One end.’- Leslie. 07-03-2010; 10:49am

Yes. The line is like this:

Ok thought I'd find my little black book and just look it up. But when I went to look for it, it just wasn't there. I thought I'd kept it with my Oasis collection and Dylan lyrics (both Bibles in their own right) but it's just disappeared!

Will have to do some Holmes-type research on this matter.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

‘Aww…miss u guys lots too.. Ker is not the same without chundalam boys and u J”- Su; 16-03-2010;12:01 am.

I’m going next weekend. Will miss them just as much!

‘3 nice stories.

Once, all villagers decided to pray for rain, on the day of prayer all people gathered only one boy came with an umbrella. That’s faith.
Example of the feeling of a 1 yr old baby. When you throw him in the air, he laughs becos he knows you will catch him. That’s trust.
Every night we go to bed, we have no assurance that we’ll wake up the next morning but still we have plans for tomorrow. That’s hope.’- Aban

Who am I kidding! I LOVE forwards J

Even the corny ones.

Funnily enough, I don’t have any sent msgs older than 5 months. That’s a shame!

26^th March 2010 was also the first day Tantan first msged me. So I’m just deleting all his msgs without a second thought. Unfortunate? Whatever! It’s about time already!

There’s one that says the way I dance shows I love loud music. That’s what he speculates. Haha…speculates! =D

There are even some which are from Su and Shar as I update them. They say nice, encouraging things.

I’m the kind of person who needs to tell the whole world when something good is happening. Cos that somehow gives it accreditation. Somehow makes it real. Yeah I know it sounds ridiculous. It’s not like I need their opinions. It’s like by telling them what’s happening, I’m figuring out for myself how I feel about things. And that’s important. Just to put things in perspective.

So some of those msgs are like:

‘Ha ha! He must really like u!’ and ‘Flirt for all you’re worth woman!’

‘Happiness!’ I guess I’ve written enough about that word already!

Some people are just fascinated by me. It’s not love, it’s not even attraction. It’s just plain fascination. I’ve got used to it now. Still love it!

He just called, btw. To tell me we can meet after all this (smt at work) gets stabalised. It’s not like I can even say ‘He’s got his priorities mixed up’ cos Work and Family are on top of that list and that’s the way it should be, right?

I mean even though you’re young and most often juvenile, these are things you understand, inherently.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Take you away I would if I could.

If you want to I could save you

Only if you want to.

But she don't mind no more

Will I ever save this man?

Why I even try?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It turns out I can write this post about whatever I want now cos the rest of the msgs came after 10:30 pm and it's still 8:59pm here. K I'll admit I just don't want to delete them. What else you want from me?!

pah! How you torture yourself! :P

So no. I'm not going to write at all. Nothing comes to mind and I'd rather be uninspired than untruthful.

So bye for now.

You know there's something I've wanted to say for a very long time.
I would be happier if I did.
Control is very important to me.
Control in a game.
Control in a room.
Control when I'm drunk.
Control is just essential.
If I don't have it I don't do it.
That's just the way it works with me.
Get used to it.
Yeah. Thats all :)

In Limbo

2010-09-23T21:44:00.001+05:30

I dance on the street as I hear the latest fav and I wonder what he'd think if he knew I could dance this way.
-------
Last Kiss
I remember this one time in class he tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I remember the lines of this song.
The first few words.
And we just couldn't no matter how many times we tried.
Hold me darling just a little while..
------------------
a swoon of peace
when i smile like that I know only you could put a twinkle in my eye.
Face me with your label.
Tell me you are what they tell me you are.
Be the label.
The sorrows behind
Bring a bottle of your pride
drown drown

he's awesome
don't wanna follow death and all of his friends
dont get stoned!
-------------

As many times I blink ill think of u tonight

I counted till ten turned off the lights and put my head to bed

Parnika

Low whispers

Nice evening

Hungry children

Mind over matter

Just you

Love no one

See me

Loop of fortune]

Jump van halen

King of castles

Hurry up and miss me

To sir with love

No one can deny

Me me me me me me

Low

Paint colours

Forever

Fit you

You were jaded

Some cant break you

And the best thing I never had

Dance

Look back

-------------

Silver Shoes

2010-09-05T01:52:00.000+05:30

Never hated anything more than WET TOES. Never loved anything more than WARM TOAST.

So I'm defying myself by defining myself.

I've been thinking in prose, singing in poetry.

You're my only release.

I want you there when I'm numbly watching TV.
I want you there when I have the wind in my hair.
I know I want you there.

It's not nice to know what you want and not let yourself have it.
I have serious superego problems I don't know how to deal with.
I've made up my mind and for once I'm sure.
I've made up my mind I can't want more.

It's hard to want something so much and not be able to fight for it.
I'm so used to not getting what I want I sometimes think I've just made peace with what I have.
Happiness is somewhere I decided to go cos I've been everywhere else before.

Inertia of Emotion

2010-08-15T01:56:00.001+05:30

It ain't what you're looking for
It ain't where you're looking alright

I've never believed in planning
Life always leads you where it wants to
Why try harder.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There are points where you realise that despite your hardest efforts you're still a 'grown up'.
And all your 'growing up' years you wanted to be this person you now despise!
I guess you were just looking for stability and then when you reach the plateau you want to go downhill from there. But there's cozy comfortable weather for a while.
And just for a while you realise
I want this to stay this way for a while.
I like it, just this part of it.
You don't dare use the words FOREVER or NEVER
Cos you've outgrown them.
You don't look back in anger
Cos Sally's much happier this summer than she was the last.
You don't look at yourself and see anything you'd like to change drastically.
And it dawns on you that no one or nothing could make you a different person
You'll sometimes be just a shade brighter than who you are today.
You'll often be a shade darker.
But who you are today is just a coat of paint.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I realised soon enough that I wasn't running away from anything or anyone.
I wasn't running towards anything or anyone
I just wanted to run with nothing with someone
And since that's not happening
I'll run away on my own and find the right preposition on the way there.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She's my mind washer
when I'm too upset to think she makes perfect sense
so much sense I want to kill her sometimes.
Yet I need reality checks like that.
All mirrors do.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And no matter how hard you try, sparks are not something you can create, not something you will grow into. It either clicks or it doesn't.
If we did a compatibility test, we'd match like peas in a pod.
But that wouldn't prove a thing.
And it makes me sad to admit it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was happy this morning.
The kind of happy that comes with an expiry date.
And soon enough the lull came.
The twist to a perfectly simple, fun day.
You can't say you weren't warned!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Girl Without the Red Umbrella

2010-08-13T00:29:00.000+05:30

I've started this post so many times..it cant be tagged as free asscoiation anymore..

Remembering all he did and all he does to make me smile...and there're so many small reasons they cover up the need for a larger reason to adore him.Yet something seems out of place..the smiling reality/sincerity of it all makes it too good to be true and in a strange way we know...we both know on some conscious level that this can't last...it shouldn't cos if it did one or both of us would be compromised and neither of us wants that...we like ourselves too much...just the way we are with all the gaping flaws...
I start thinking of ways it might end...ways i might end it and this seems even more senseless cos I know I love him too little to let go

The Girl with the Red Umbrella

2010-08-01T21:56:00.000+05:30

you're giving me that look which says 'gimme a blanket, a bed and a way out of here'
I can be your superman tonight
to ride you across town or just as far as the shore
As far as you're sure
A part of me says let it go
Let everyday be the one before
Lay lady lay
His hands are dirty but his clothes are clean
And you're the best thing that he's ever seen
Stay lady Stay stay with your man a while....
I dont have the strength to carry you

Wild Horses 2oo

2010-07-24T15:39:00.000+05:30

I know I'm meltin, it's easy to do

Passion you fed me,I gave in to you

Graceless fingers, you know how I am

Babe, you can't change me by being my man

Wild horses couldn't drag me away

Caffeine kisses, it's pleasin to you

Trust is so tender, tender n true

You have your freedom n' all of my time

You know I can't love you e'en if I tried

Wild horses couldn't drag me away

Don't know if I'd hurt you if I slipped away

But it's still happenin more everyday

No sleepless mornings or long car drives

Could make me feel better or help you unwind

Wild horses couldn't drag you away

Wild, Wild horses couldn't drag me away

And if I'd known better I'd say it's a lie

I'd dream you a fortune and say my goodbyes

For what it's worth I'll put down in words

It was wonderful to have you in my world

Wild horses couldn't drag you away

Wild Wild horses we'll ride them someday

oh u make me :)

2010-07-23T01:16:00.000+05:30

I would have to chose myself for 'the one who can look stoned even when she isn't!' :-S
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was a smile worth writing about...he stood there with round eyes on a round face on a round body..and I stood just moments ahead of him.
On any ordinary evening, I would have let him go first and I would have waited for the next one. But this was no ordinary evening.
I was late. I was late for what I knew was gonna be the award-worthiest movie of 2010. I was late late by no fault of my own and I wasn't gonna let some round nerd steal that away from me!
So I flagged down every seemingly empty auto in sight. He let me.
'Garuda Mall', I yelled hopefully.
No luck
His turn.
'Old Temple Road'
And there it was! The triumphant smile that said 'See! Chivalry does pay!'
And it was so genuine and so lacking in expected condescension that I just HAD to smile back!
It was one of those smiles you share with a stranger u'll never meet again, one who leaves a lasting impression with nothing more than a perfectly round smile.

Colour me Purple!

2010-06-17T00:39:00.000+05:30

I'm writing this cos for a long time now I've wanted to write something without thinking too much about it and now seems like the only time to do so.

I miss her
I miss her everyday
Not every minute of everyday
But I miss her everyday

And this would be a song I'd dedicate to my mom:
'Have I told you lately that I love you?
Have you told you there's no one else above you...'

And she asked me today 'Where's your brother?'
And as always I answered 'I donno. I don't care'
Tonight she asked 'You wanna be one n only bachcha again?'
yes ma I wanna be your one n only again
Back to a time when it was just 3 of us
A time i would like to remember more clearly.

Have you ever missed someone while they were sitting right next to you?
Is it possible to be that nostalgic?
Today I found a picture of Mr Cubbon in my laundry basket.
You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you
Yes, I do wish he would come to Sports bar someday
But I so know he wouldn't get why I enjoy it so much
It's like I was telling Adi the other day 'It's like Sports bar is branded on our souls and there's nothing we can do about it'
And then he said smt I dint pay attention to
And then I said 'Why dyu sound like you're consoling me. I'm actually happy it's branded on our souls' :)
'We never go anywhere else...'
'And why should we? We get free entry, we know everyone here and we're treated like queens...'

And why should I try
Why should I decide
What if this part of it
Doesn't require a decision at all

I just dropped a whole load of leather polish on the keyboard. I don't think it did much cleaning but at least I got a new smell up my nose!
This sounds like one of those posts I should write with a cigarette in one hand and half a glass of rum in the other.
So no one knows my story of the red umbrella? no one?
I do remember telling someone but I don't remember who...for me it's always more about the telling than the listening.
And for a person who doesn't listen much, I did quite a bit of it today. Listening makes me sad. Yes, listening depresses me. And no matter what is being heard, I end up feeling a little left out by the end of it.
I don't have a roses and thorns list anymore. It's more like a boyfriend and potential boyfriend list..lol
Yes, I only said that for comedic effect! forget it already!

She always makes me wonder why I'm even alive
That's why I love her
You got to tell me your secret
Your secret of doing double the work in half the time
Your secret to looking so cool in sunglasses on a bus!
Your secret of carrying dried up pens in your bag and offering them to strangers who need to sign their buss passes
I gotta know! I gotta know how you do it all!
And still manage to smile
I've tried to be that woman so many times

One stupid hypothetical question...
You can think of it as rhetorical if you don't want to answer it...
Oh! freak it! I don't want to ask it anymore!
Why?
Well, I'll tell you why! Cos neither answer would make be feel any better.
Cos I know it's doomed and I've known for a while now.
Knew before you did at least.
'And isn't that the most dastardly way to break up with a person?!! The most impersonal, ridiculous thing u ever heard!!'
'Yes. Yes it is' Sigh
And I think I'm done for the day.
It's team lunch tomo. I hope they don't serve Biriyani again.

I told u so!

2010-06-15T14:25:00.000+05:30

Take a deep breath
And let it go..
Take another deep breath
And let it go..
Take a deeper breath,
Until it reaches ur soul,
With A deep dark sigh,
Just let it go...

As long as u try
As long as u know
U can tell urself
I told u so!

For the moon will still shine
As it always shone
The sun will still rise
For another dawn
So all u can do is look forlorn
Just take a deep breath
And let it go...

2010-06-07T16:20:00.001+05:30

We both know that we're not forever and we're not meant to be. We're just together cos not being together would be a big waste of good chemistry!!

Glass Leaves

2010-06-05T23:30:00.003+05:30

I put my toes into the water...onto the rocks..rubbed some silt off...found my grounding..stepping skillfully toe by toe...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was sitting there peacefully..with my fork in the chocolate..wishing they'd change the music...wishing someone would call...but mostly wishing I wasn't wishing at all!
And as I sat there peacefully, a frown appeared on my face. It lingered on my lips as I tucked in the last piece of Dutch Truffle. It lingered on my lips as I picked up my Fab-India paper bag and walked outta the place. It lingered while I got on a bus and paid the conductor. It was still there when I saw the baby fall asleep in her mothers lap. It was still there when I updated my facebook status to 'Swalpa Sad' and even as I reached home and locked the gate, it refused to let go away.
And I kept wondering where it had come from cos when I left the office I was happy, genuinely happy! Double Woohoo Monkey Happy!!! dyu know how happy that is?
I tried to remember the lines of 'Are you Lonesome Tonight?' just to cheer myself up. I swung the paper bag around and almost hit myself with it. And then I turned the volume up and Wonderwall-ed my way home.
What finally made me smile was dancing in the kitchen, just dancing in the kitchen! With no one watching, just me, dancing in the kitchen!
Strange? Sigh...There are stranger things that have made me smile...but this was precious, in it's own little way :)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Of all things, who knew THIS ^ would make me break my blogging silence! I always thought it would be the jeep ride and the traffic light...

2010-05-31T17:40:00.000+05:30

It's been a month!
Baby Brown
That's all i have to say!
Baby Brown!
Babye now..mwa!

Wild Horses

2010-04-30T18:11:00.004+05:30

I know I'm meltin, it's easy to do

Passion you fed me, I gave in to you

Graceless fingers, you know how I am

Babe, you can't change me by bein' my man

Wild horses couldn't drag me away

Wild wild horses couldn't drag me away

Caffeine kisses, it's pleasin to you

Your touch is tender, tender n true

You have your freedom n' all of my time

But I just can't love you, ev'n if I tried

Wild horses couldn't drag you away

Wild wild horses we'll ride them someday

--------------------------------------------------------

2010-04-20T14:00:00.007+05:30

On my way home
With a bubbling smile on my face
I looked out of the window at the billboards and I see pain
In all the poses, in all the eyes, pain.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The road was untarred
But it was ours

And I could see him trying to destroy it
Frustrated,
I saved it from under a lorry,
I saved it.

And then his family came, his daughters,
'I left him out for 5 minutes, just 5', she says

I ignore the call from the boys landline, thinking to myself,
Today's a mess!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Somedays you wake up happy and somedays you don't.
Somedays make you smile and somedays just don't!

2010-04-09T13:02:00.007+05:30

‘…lips touching mine in a photobooth…’

‘I can see paradise by the dashboard light…’

So I can go into my 22nd year of existence without the ‘Never been kissed’ sign on my forehead…that’s a good thing right?

IBuMmer!

2010-04-06T10:34:00.001+05:30

Missing you.

I don’t miss the place, I don’t miss the people, I don’t miss the work, I miss the girl I used to be. I still wake up at 2 sometimes and panic cos I missed my cab!

I miss whining bout Hazel Hicks and flirting with John Kennedy. I miss emails that start with ‘Kindly note…’ I miss the mute button ;)

Let me be myself.

I have to let me be myself and in some way hold on the girl everyone admired. I have to move on without moving away from her.

Giving up on the past doesn’t feel right. Letting go seems more appropriate.

Starting from scratch isn’t necessary, changing architects is!

You’ve left the two towers behind. The ruins don’t matter anymore. You have to decide how happy to be in the new place.

Never in doubt.

So you won’t call the girl who would tell you what it would have been like if you had stayed. You won’t go back to complete what you started. Opportunities you passed by will remain untouched like dinner that never got served.

Already Gone.

He called to say it's over. My last working day will be counted as the 23rd and even though I got paid for last month, it's over. They are going to terminate my contract and that will be the end of me as an IBMer!

PUDU post 2oo!

2010-03-27T16:00:00.001+05:30

It’s called ‘Peaceful Puducherry’ for a reason! There’s nothing more relaxing than a warm day on the beach, the waves playing with your toes and the breeze in your hair. The lack of junk jewelry vendors makes a refreshing surprise after exploring the more commercial beaches of Goa. I found the people much friendlier and the accommodation more economic.

The lesser known weekly train took us on an 8 hour journey from Yeshwantpur, Bangalore to Puducherry. A walk to through Auroville village gave us an insight to the range of accommodation available. Luckily we found a boathouse, which was, in fact, a shack build over a boat, with an attached bathroom. It made a truly amazing place to spend a weekend.

Food was our next Priority. From Breakfast in a four star hotel, to lunch in a Pizzaria! The choice was ours. Local food was available as well. Our meals included chicken fried in peanut paste, prepared by a French cook and spicy prawn curry served by a Chinese gentleman.

Though most of our time was split between the boathouse and the beach, we did get to explore some interesting stores in and around Auroville. Candles, hand woven hammocks and orange essence were among the many treasures in our shopping bags.

A day on Beach road involved lazing at ‘Le Café’, a quaint little place overlooking the rocky beach. Many people were surprised to find local tourists, however we seemed to have ‘Bangalore’ stamped to our foreheads. Everywhere went, people were eager to help and entertain us.

Our last day in Puducherry was spent dressing an Israeli lady in a sari. We shared stories about our different cultures. The journey back was by road. We travelled along with a volunteer from the Netherlands and an Afro-American gentleman who was carrying a heavy knapsack of books for his students in Korea.

The moment we hit home we realized that when people say ‘Pondi is Amazing’, they really mean that the time they spent there was amazing. The trip is truly enriching not only for the pleasant weather and the clean beaches but the food and the friends as well!

2010-03-24T23:36:00.000+05:30

Reread, reposted!

Switchfoot

2010-03-20T17:30:00.001+05:30

Another day, another sunrise

Another night, another sunset

Another man, another lifetime

Am I alive?

Am I on purpose?

Am I anything at all?

Am I meant to live for anything more?

Am I meant to love anyone more?

Am I meant to live for love?

==================================

Welcome to the planet

Welcome to existence

Everyone was here

Everybody's watching you now

Everybody waits for you now

Maybe redemption has stories to tell

Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell

Where can you run to escape from yourself?

The tension is here

Between who you are

And who you could be

Between how it is

And how it should be!

I dare you to move
Away from the fallout
Away from the crosswords
Away from yourself
And who I want you to be
I dare you to move...

2010-03-20T17:26:00.000+05:30

I enjoyed you today

I enjoyed every movement of you

Cherish you

Cherish Cherry Pie

Cherish You

2010-03-17T22:34:00.000+05:30

Hi Mama,

All I do at home is sleep and eat, I don't get to tell you what's on
my mind. So I'm going to type out some things I think you should know.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm quitting my job with IBM. I always knew this would be a small
chapter in my life. The fact that it lasted for 9 months just shows
how lazy I am.

The interview at the travel place went really well. I liked the people
and the kind of work they do. I know the offer letter doesn't sound
great to you. But something tells me I'd be a fool to let it go. I
love writing and I am good at it and I'd be happier if I was doing
something I enjoyed.

I thought long and hard.
Option 1: stick with IBM. get zero job satisfaction. become a regular
in 3 months. Eventually, change to a different department. Earn more.

Option 2: Quit. Join 'Enchanting India'. Be a content writer for a
travel agency. become a regular in 3 months. Earn more.

As far as I can see, it's not about the money. It has more to do with
the kind of work I'd be doing, the working hours and the way I'd be
traveling.

'Normal working hours' trumps 'No free transport'!

Plus, being a writer is just so much more ME!

You could say it was a 'To-Thine-Own-Self-Be-True' sort of choice.

I took this decision all by myself and I'm happy about it.

I'm submitting my time sheet on the 23rd.
So, I'll get paid for March.
I start work at the new place on the 24th.

Of course, it's not going to be easy. I have to change my eating and
sleeping habits. It's going to be quite an adjustment for both of us.
Here's hoping it'll all be worth it.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Another thing I want to discuss was the money thing. I've never been
good at saving or sharing it.
I turn 22 this April. It's about time I set a few ground rules. So
starting next month, I'll write you a check of Rs 3,000.00 every
month. It's not much but it's a start.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
So I guess that's about it.
Feel free to write back and tell me what you think.

Good night Mama, I Love you!

2010-03-17T04:02:00.000+05:30

It's one of those days when you leave home with wet hair thinking you're gonna be superlate and you turn up before everybody else and feel real stupid for not bringing a comb.

No surprises waiting for you, no pleasant welcomes - no fuss - and there's a part of you that prefers this.

In front of you is an obstacle, an anthill for a child, a volcano for an adult.

I dip my fingers in the flame.

I dip my fingers in the flame.

Knowing in another 9 months

Even this will be mundane.

Partying tonight

2010-03-14T18:31:00.008+05:30

'They were all inviting me

But I wish I had refused

Cos I’ve been there before

And I’ve seen it all
And I believe in you'

'So I want you to know
That I see the light surrounding you
So don't be afraid of something new
'Cause I see the light surrounding you
So don't be afraid of what you're turning into'

Light Surrounding You - Evermore

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Streamers, baubles, sparkly things,
Heart shaped balloons, silly strings.

Mango cake, vanilla icing
Every platter more enticing.

American dreams, Asian eyes,

Purple halters, Perky ties.

Fresh nail polish, fancy shoes
The face she wears, donno whose.

She's partying hard, partying right,
Eats n' drinks, free all night!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Of Wishes and Waffles

2010-02-28T01:35:00.006+05:30

I gave up dreaming for a while
I gave up dreaming for a while

I wish I’d stop thinking too
Stop thinking of times when I’ve done things to sabotage myself
Times I’ve done things which make me unhappy

I wish I’d start worrying again
I wish I had something worth worrying about
Or even someone

I don’t want you to love me
For a person who wants to be loved more than anything in the world
That’s a difficult thing to say
But I really don’t want you to love me

‘What do I smell?’
‘Despair, mortality and paralysing fear’
‘Oh, I thought it was waffles’

Be Alive, now or never
Live now
Cos soon enough
Now
Will be Then
And you’ll start to think
You could have done more
With NOW
If you had done more
THEN

PUDU post!

2010-02-17T20:50:00.002+05:30

I think the best way to describe the whole Pondi experience is the meals!
So here we go...
Meal 1

Breakfast at Surya Resort

Pineapple juice x 3 Beautifully presented and Yum!

Chicken Sandwich x 3   No taste whatsoever!
Coke    x 1 For Sharu!
Plain Dosa    x 1 For Me!

We were very sweaty, sandy and hungry after fruitless search for a place to stay.
Music: Beautiful Day - U2
                                   'The heart is a bloom,
                                   Shoots up through the sandy ground.
                                   There's no room,
                                   No space to rent in this town.
                                   You're out of luck,
                                   And the reason that you had to care.

                                   It's a beautiful day
                                 The sky falls, and you feel like,
                                   It's a beautiful day.
                                   Don't let it get away

                                  You're on the road,
                                  But you've got no destination
                                  You're in the mud,
                                  In the maze of her imagination
                                  You love this town,
                                  Even if that doesn't ring true
                                  You've been all over,
                                  and it's been all over you

                                 It was a beautiful day
                                 Don't let it get away,
                                 Beautiful day

                               What you don't have,
                               you don't need it now,
                               What you don't know,
                               you can feel it somehow,
                               It was a beautiful day...

Meal 2

Georgios :)

We overpaid an auto to take us to this quaint little Italian place, which happened to be walking distance from our beautiful boathouse - yes! we did find an amazing place to stay!

'Pizza's all we got', said thr Malasian woman not bothering to shift from her reclining position.

A girl, - she couldn't have been more than 19 - who took our order, seemed rather disappointed to admit her name was Kamini and not something more exotic. I'll give her credit for being able to pronounce the items on the menu.

'We'll have no 14 and 8 with lime soda please' grin!

'The soda just came in, so let's see how long it takes to get cold' chuckle!

Ultimately a good slice o' chocolate mousse and hot chai topped off the amazin' pizzas. smiles!

We sat there for what felt like hours, reading the newspaper and playing soft music.

'Tranquil' is the right word to describe this place.

Meal 3

Sambani Cafe

After a nice walk, which – to Naik’s dismay – involved a lot of shopping, we ended up next door to our b’ful bouthouse. We had walked into this place earlier in the day and perused the menu while petting Tila, the adorable lab. It looked very promising. Little did we know that Tila, was the only good thing there!

We spent what felt like centuries, just waiting for the food, with nothing but garlicy prawn pakodas and diluted wine to keep our growling stomachs at bay! There was a sweet smelling plate of fried chicken with peanut paste brought to our table. If only we had suck our teeth into it before...'Wrong Table!'... and before we knew it the yummy stuff was whisked away from under our noses and carried away to the neighbouring table of 'I-just-wanna-get-drunk' ppl. Mean, mean creatures! Yes, we are gonna hold it against them for ordering delicious appetizers!

As if this wasn't enough, potential customers - including two semi-interesting foreign dudes - were being shooed away cos of lack of space and food. Yet a large group of half dressed Indian men managed to take over the area from where some Raggae music was trying it's best to sooth our painfully long wait.

I should mention that by this time in the trip all 3 of us were craving company, any kind of company. A boat-house party plan was hatched, thatched, dispatched...

Anyway, back at Sambanis, when the food did arrive, we really couldn't care less! It was 11pm and the owner of this one-man cafe was paying more attention to his girlfriend!

Very disappointing experience this! It left us too exhausted for the planned beer night and definitely too exhausted to empty the red tub of cold water, orange essence and exfoliated skin.

So I'm here writin...

2010-02-15T03:53:00.000+05:30

An emptiness
that is for sure

I don't know who he was or what he would become
I don't know what I want him to grow into
Let's just say nothing
Emptiness captures it

Clicked again

2010-02-04T23:15:00.002+05:30

This is what I feel

Random Promises

2010-01-28T21:52:00.000+05:30

Aluminum bodies
Warsaw
And I promised her the next time we met, we'd have ppl to slow dance with

Azada
Wax Museums
And I promised him I wouldn't tell a soul

Anita Rodricks
Wayne Bowd
And I promised myself I would leave them behind.

At Work and Hating it!

2010-01-15T12:50:00.000+05:30

Sudden influx of sadness
Travel to everyone's virtual happy person
Want to be back there
Anywhere but here
-------------------
Mails from Ross
Lying Candy Floss
Life is least poetic at moments like these
----------------------------------------
Flower Attack
Solar Eclipse
Virtual Insanity
Useless twisting
There is no sound
When you're falling from the ground
------------------------------------
Tripped on reality
I'll have a Perfect Day
I know
-------

All Things Nice

2010-01-10T00:39:00.002+05:30

It's nice to have company.
Even if it is
Just the small eyed, tongue-tied, curly-haired kind.

It's nice to be appreciated
Even if it is
Just the partner who you beat at productivity scores.

It's nice to be smiled at
Even if it is
Just the blue-uniformed guard asking for your ID card.

It's nice to be noticed
Even if it is
Just the loopy stray junior coming in late for his second day.

It's nice to be cared for
Even if it is
Just your mom worrying about the lunch box you left behind.

Once Upon a Time...

2010-01-08T07:10:00.004+05:30

Life feels like the beginning of a fairytale, when the fair maiden is trapped in a tall tower by an ugly witch...or a cruel step mom makes her scrub floors, darn clothes, chop wood...or overcome by motionless slumber she lies in the middle of the woods awaiting that special kiss.

I sit here as if I have no choice but to sit here.
I work hard as if all I can do is work hard.
I talk to people as if I care about people.
I stay doing the things I know I don't want to be doing simply because I don't know what it is that I'd rather be doing.

I want to find out what it is that keeps me alive, what makes me tick, what makes be wake up every morning and breathe through the day.
I talk of myself as a stranger.
I want to get to know me.

For now, I snuggle in my gold sweater and itchy as it is, I'm comfortable.
A split second of darkness makes things clearer.

I don't want to be the person who sits around waiting for things to happen to me.

Showing the world who i am involves knowing who I am in the first place. Knowing what I want.
Everyone around me seems to be doing what they want to do with their lives or at least on the way there. I'm not even close to knowing what it is that I want. It can get frustrating and sitting around waiting for realisation to strike. It's an old game I don't feel like playing for another 365 days.

Each of the fair maidens lived by waiting for their happy endings which involved a stimulus like a fairy godmother or 7 dwarfs or long silky hair and ended with a Handsome Prince sweeping her off her feet.
Then again, I'm no fair Maiden and my story's not going to end with a 'And they all lived happily ever after'
I think it would make me happy if it just ended with 'And she lived'.

A Wrinkled Tear

2009-12-06T00:49:00.002+05:30

It starts in the last drop of dusk just before the porch lights are turned on. And as the visiting neighbour pours herself another cup of tea, it trickles down her fifth wrinkle, the one that made her give up on anti-aging cream.
As it becomes more obvious, you battle the urge to go over and hold her the way you did at the cemetery. You remember the story of the child who drowned in the well. She always brought an extra bunch of flowers for that tiny grave as well.
And now her hollow cheeks are wet, yet, her hands remain in her lap, you remain in the cane swing and the neighbour reaches for the remaining biscuit. A dip, a crunch, a shuffle of feet. A tear shed, a sorrow too deep. It is here, in this beautiful, sad silence, you start to admire her courage, her simplicity, her dignity...for who can say why her heart cries? Where her mind lies? How her tear dries?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This post is dedicated to my Nani. My precious old, not-even-related-to-me, Nani! Over the years, I've seen her laugh, I've seen her cry, I've seen her bear burdens no one should ever have to. She has lead a good life and I'm sure she'll walk into heaven with her gray head held high. It makes me sad to think of the day I'd be standing at her grave and needing someone to hold me tight. I hope I remember to bring that extra bunch of flowers.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Flashback

2009-10-30T23:15:00.000+05:30

How do you feel
that is the question
not today
I shall not take the trip down rant lane
I had fun and lots of it
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If this post was about today I would have to mention the pampering I treated my self to. A Halloween treat! :)

2009-10-30T23:13:00.000+05:30

Baby's got the bends...oooo..yeah!
I like singing loudly...out of tune
In a bus
On the road
In cubbon park
At the busstand
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:) Once I called Naik from Hyderabad just to sing out of tune with her :)

QuotED 2oo (Calvin n Hobbes special)

2009-10-30T23:08:00.003+05:30

Miss Wormwood: What state do you live in?
Calvin: Denial.
Miss Wormwood: I don't suppose I can argue with that...

It started with complete oblivion. I knew I didn’t want to know.

Slow grief rises, falls, completes.

Green grapes, water filters, REM

Phase 2: Talk therapy, music and msgs.

Tonight I shall dance on her grave.

*********************************************************************************

Mom and dad say I should make my life an example of the principles I believe in. But every time I do, they tell me to stop it.

Every time I try to be the individual she trained me to be, my decisions are treated with more criticism.

Susie: When life gives you a lemon, make lemonade.
Calvin: I say, when life gives you a lemon, wing it right back and add some lemons of your own!

Susie makes sense only when Jay Leno’s on TV. The rest of the time tit-for-tat is the way to go!
********************************************************************************

Reposting

2009-10-30T22:57:00.000+05:30

Ha ha..I sound so schizo in my blog...Ah its time for that Christmas post again....
Na! not now...
There're these little drafts I've collected over this month.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So as you might have guessed, these are not recent posts. they are old drafts, dug out and reposted. I haven't even read them through before posting. Now before I start ranting bout my job, go ahead, enjoy the pre-IBM me for a while.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Feminist rant after reading VW-Room of one's own.

2009-10-30T22:54:00.001+05:30

So she gets outta bed every morning despite the rain and cold, and slush outside her house.

She wears floaters because Chappals would make her feet get dirty and icky.

I wore a kurtha..a nice blue kurtha, and jeans…a lot of denim…denim makes me happy. My dad owned a denim company once and my brother bought me a nice jacket..so I wear the jacket…its freaking cold…I’m not gonna wear a flimsy shawl

Under the denim sleeve there’re bracelets..my charm bracelet cos today there is a competition to win and I am going to win it

A watch…the one my aunt bought for me in Delhi

I call the team mates….it so happens that she’s wearing blue too

And they will be there on time

But I have to leave early cos I live so freaking far away

Hurry! Its 8! DC is at 10!

Fine..i leave..I’m happy I’m not going to my sodden old college today

I’m going some where new…

4 buses and a little walking later..I’m there..it’s rainy but I still walked there…

‘There’ is a strange place and it’s filled with mutants with long hair, long earrings, beautiful clothes and make up.

But today is their happy day..their fest..so some of them who actually care wore red T shirts and walked around like they were all important

That’s cool…it happens in my college during our fest too

He he…there are just so many girls here..it’s like being back in Sacred Hearts..a little peace of home.

She goes all the way there.

Then she thinks to herself, I wasn’t affected by it then. Why should I be affected by it now. Too much time to think and ponder, worry and feel miserable about myself.

Enough get outta this rut

U are a strong person

Sometimes no one cares and some one too many ppl care.

Soul Vacation

2009-10-30T22:53:00.000+05:30

It was my sole vacation and my soul vacation

It was the lack of anything to do..the giving in to sloth that made it worth it

The relaxing nothingness

The running away from everything Bangalore

And its crappines

And its ppl

And its loneliness

I met new ppl

Not the ones I wanted to

**************************************************************************************

Like it matters

There’ll be liquor chocolate fountains anyway

And a 25 meter train so that all those wannabe bridesmaids can have their turn..

A wedding is such a social event really

The bride and groom really don’t matter

*************************************************************************************

U do the best u can

Keep telling urself that

U need a self confidence boost for DC nervous wreck high wont help u

Stay happy my dear

Ur doin what u want

*************************************************************************************

I failed

U know I pity those who haven’t ever failed in their lives

Not knowing what it feels like makes u fear it even more

Failure is so good for u

U have no idea

Right now I just want to do that paper again

And I really feel like doing it this time

I wont have the nervous wreck beside me

Ill have the optimist

Who’ll make fun of every second line

And ill laugh so hard

The paper is gonna be fun actually

I need ppl to reassure me that im good at smt

Keeping her focused kept me focused thus far

Now when she needed to do it for me she failed

I don’t care

Its my exam fear ill deal with it

My last minute studying

Its really nobodys fault

Im done with the blame game

Im done with the bitches

Ill do what I want as long as I know what I want to do

And when I don’t know I wont use the OCD rule

Ill send a little prayer to God

And he’ll tell me

The heart knows best trust ur instincts

The bloody taureans can go kill themselves

I don’t believe

I will not!

It’s a fun fact

That’s about it

I like the ganesha statue it reminds me of jana pada loka

That day is forever imprinted in my memory

And tho he doesn’t deserve a place on my switchboard he will remain there

Until I care enough to find out what his counterparts really are

Parsi culture

Not the religion

Just the culture I wanna know

Everyone's attracted to that word cos its rare its unique

They have no clue what it means

And neither do I

Bubli aunty can go die

Im gonna look it up

Im gonna dig deeper

Its time for a little identity crisis

Ill make it work this time

I wont go on a tangent on the universal Grey line to appease everyone

Ill make my own

Isn’t that what I wanted to do anyway

I haven’t dug deep enough yet

I need to

**************************************************************************************

Radiohead is good writing music

And thank god stupid internet is not working

The head chewers are not around

Ok ad time

Medha ass licking time

I really need to stop swearing

Too passionate

Stability in instability

Smt to acquire

Whats 1^st period tomo?

I don’t like that it became gossip

She was so happy when she got that dress

What the fuck happened

Im insensitive

I know I am

And ive bloody messed up too much

Their happy ppl are seeing each other

Don’t tear that apart

I don’t like that

He uses me as his canvas

Poke back

Hit back

U wont even get caught anymore

He always covers for u

And besides the tearing urself in two doesn’t really matter anymore

Schizo anyway u are

Yellow wallpaper

Paper tearing

Maybe he had a really big job

She doesn’t take care of him

Shes so over him

Its good

The grins go all around

Brian

I saw Adrien today

Should have said hi

Such a chuth I am

So bloody uncomfortable around a cute guy

Abraham

Face touching

Im an easy victim

Keep one page open always

U need ur mind maps

Aargh that was idiotic

I felt loved for those two secs there

And madhu knew

She used to be my heart reader u know

Weird some ppl are

They cant be faithful

They don’t know what going steady means

That just sucks

I am that kinda angel

Dude im not going to live my life like that

Pari is freer

She was up

She still is

***********************************************************************************

Grandparentless

2009-10-30T22:49:00.001+05:30

My grandmom died on the 23rd of May
I started this post then....I'm attempting to complete it today.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have a very small family.
I should be denied Indian citizenship for having only 1 cousin!
So, it should be hard to loose a family member.
Another thing you should know bout me - Besides my mom and Bro, I don't really know anyone else in my family.
I used to mail my aunt in Canada and Yahoo Doodle with the one in India.
I wanted (very badly) to attend my cousin's wedding in August this year. But the day passed me by without a faint flicker of 'Oh its her wedding today. I wish I was there.'
Even she said it wasn't the greatest time to visit as they would be busy with all the other guests and she's right.
The pics look good. I like the fact that she had a Parsi blessing ceremony. :)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Anyway, the point is, I dint feel hurt when I heard my grandmom was no more.
I dint feel a thing when I visited my aunt on her deathbed.
I really dint get creeped out when we stayed in her house and I slept in her room.
I read 'The Colour Purple' while I was there.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now my mom is the sole survivor of the Reys family.
True, we do carry the surname as well. But our children won't.
In fact, if my brother doesn't have kids, that's the end of the Gamat family as well.
(Not that I have to worry much about that)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I want to know what it feels like to be part of a large family.
I want to marry into one.
I want to have In-Laws and second cousins and Grandfathers Uncles wives!
You get the point.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I didn't think I would be writing bout my family today.
I thought I would be writing bout Lakme.
*shrug*
Does it matter now?

Wake Up To Whoever You Are

2009-10-30T22:29:00.000+05:30

You're on the grey line…the line between Love and Hate, Pride and Self-doubt, Narcolepsy and Insomnia, Ambition and Sloth…

Nothing defines you completely and yet the fact that you're grey defines how you live.
You used to be this 'Crusher' chasing love, never knowing if you're worth it. Then love chased you and you redefined things.
You're not sure whether to play Babylon or Champagne Supernova. Cos both could make you extremely happy or extremely depressed.
It's that time of the year again when being single comes with a bittersweet stigma.
You re-evaluate your relationships, clear your 'room' and make space for yourself. You're just not sure how much space to allot, how much you're worth, how much they think you're worth.
But you're not the leader of the Anti-Valentine day Campaign either. The wounds have healed, slowly. Are they ready for the new world?
The 'I-wanna-break-free'ness of 2008 seems too exuberant at times, too daring.
I know I'm worth it and I know I can get it. But how much do I really want? Could I do without it?
Sigh...Can't hide from myself for too long. He may make me feel guilty and part of me believes him but I've put it behind me and I should allow myself to live and love. I need someone who can make me feel wanted, special. The concept of 'ideal' doesn't need to conform to 10th std, Shania-Twainish romanticism! But that girl is still alive in me and she doesn't want to stay in the cynical well any longer.
Free her!

Pepper spray

2009-10-30T22:27:00.000+05:30

Prologue
"I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!
I want to marinate your head in stew
I hate you!"-MJ, 12-1-2008, 14:29:07
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ok so this was supposed to be a novella composed solely of msgs...like a msg diary story...It never got written of course...n the person the above lines refer to...I don't feel the same anymore ;)

Happy Sesquicentinary!

2009-10-25T13:48:00.000+05:30

160 posts
160 thoughts
I've been thinking, as usual about me, and I've come up with a few things:
1. I'm getting a passport
2. If I survive a year in IBM, I'll survive a year around the world.
3. I'm hungry
4. I take a long time to wake up.
5. There are a few ppl who get me and I love and miss the way they do.
6. Some ppl care too much
7. I need a new crush.
8. I watch TV only on Wednesdays
9. I don't sleep enough...or bathe enough...;-P
10. I went to Hyderabad n ate Rajasthani food!
11. I learnt a lot from that 3 mins that took me away from the last Goodbye.
12. I have 5000 less in my bank account.
13. I tipped the pizza guy Rs101.
14. I lost my Green Apple/Hamamun-smelling lipgloss
15. Art is the beginning of the word Artificial
16. All we need to document our lives is a birthdate, a deathdate a 3 word name and a
head n shoulders shot. This is all we need to show we existed.
Now multiply that by 10.....

Which Song Will Work?

2009-10-01T21:06:00.001+05:30

I wasn't sure about this day. I wasn't sure about this date. All I could do was paint it out. List the possibilities. As songs of course. Beauty is.......I want a nice lang word to fill that blank. Hmmm

The Enigma of Silence

2009-09-28T20:34:00.000+05:30

I don't want to say anything.
I don't want to have to repeat myself.
I'll stay quiet for a long time until there's something worth saying.

Silence is enigmatic
Stay this way
I don't want to hear you speak.
Just silence.
There are too many things better left unsaid.
Just let me be this way.
Don't awaken those memories.
Let me sink and feel blank

Let my face speak
That frown's
Never coming down

And the silence says more
Shares more
Stares more
Than any amount of words.

What did you do this weekend?

2009-09-20T18:01:00.000+05:30

And I watch her get dressed
And I wait until she leaves
Behind I wait as she rewinds.

I felt lazy. All I wanted was a quiet weekend at home. Instead I found myself on the way to Su's place at 7.13 Saturday evening.
'No!'
'No!'
'No!'
'I will NOT NOT NOT change into something nicer!'
They only managed to put a better pair of slippers on my feet.
A rum and coke...more coke than anything else...I was dancing away in our corner.
Dancing Wildly.
Unexpectedly enjoying myself.

Thinks happen
They just do
You can't stop them
You might as well play them through
You might come out saying 'That was worth it'
And if you don't, it's still 18 minutes of your life better spent.

Tuesday Thoughts

2009-09-09T19:32:00.002+05:30

I just realised why I'm working at IBM.
I'm good at it.
For the first time after a long time, I'm top of the class.
I'm the best there is.
I like that feeling.
I haven't felt that sense of accomplishment since school.
It gives me something to rejoice in.
It gives me something to be proud of.
My self worth sours every time I get an appreciation, every time Rajat Sir or Arsh congratulates me. I like being this good at something.
****************************************************************************************
I hate remembering the not-so-good times. More often than not, my thoughts linger on the unpleasant experiences and I wish this didn't happen so often. I really need to start letting go, forgiving myself for my imperfections.
***************************************************************************************
And in that time between the last touch of make up and getting on the cab, she prays. She thanks, she forgives, she hopes...
*************************************************************************************

More weird dreams

2009-08-27T21:16:00.005+05:30

Someone I haven't talked to in a year wanted to speak to me again.
I had a super charming boyfriend... mmm..
I was a guy french kissing a little girl... Ewww...but the kiss was good...hehe
He and I were at home with an old cassette singing on top of our lungs...screeching actually...haha
Leah comes home and wears my brown skirt.
Su and I buy her a new dress too.
I have a really hard Physics exam tomo, which I haven't studied a word for.
We're on our way to Delhi in a plane which looks more like a train inside.
We stop at some places which look like school.
Ramona and Joyce are there trying to fix a tent sorta thing.
We're in 8A with Shilka and everyone else, sitting right at the back.
Apparently Am and Sum are supposed to come too.
Then I remember they are in Commits and Hyderabad.
Rabbi Mani is taking class.
I'm late.
I tell her my roll number is 18.
(Even though my roll number was 28 in school)
She crosses it off the messy attendance sheet.
I wake up wondering how many people actually remember their school roll numbers.

One line stories

2009-08-19T20:34:00.003+05:30

As I sat bursting bubbles off my foamy latte, I realized the only thing I like here are the coffee machines.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was fighting the urge to write on the car window.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I want to wake up where you are.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was enough to know that love like that existed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
‘C as in Cat, H as in House, O as in Open… Opps! That’s not right…’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It’s time to live and let die.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Music Inspires

2009-08-03T21:08:00.005+05:30

I haven't written good poetry in a while. I haven't had that simultaneous flow of thought and tap of keyboard for a long time now. I didn't sit here and make up my mind to write. It just happened.

I put on music as I always do. I opened a word doc quite by mistake and typed out the words of the song as they rang in my ears. Just the first line. The rest came tumbling out as if it had been wrapped up in me for too long.

Dave Mathews Band helped with the first one.

Come crash into me

Make me feel alive again

Give this limp body some energy

Even some pain.

I’m the king of the castle

Best at all I do

No room for improvement

No need for change

Gravity always wins

I fly and I fall

Wearing out my wings

I could go through the ceiling

Holding my head up high

Bringing me closer

To me next fall

*************************************************************************************

And then Breathe by Anna Nalick

She calls me

Cos I’m still awake

She knows me too well

I calm her fears

I lay her in a safer bed

A safer dream

Breathe just breathe

Silent waves of comfort freeze her

Sinking deeper into her numb bones

And as she gives up to moonlight

I stare into space for a few more hours

Pleading for the comfort I just gave away.

I particularly like this one inspired by Audioslave. It's called Bleed.

Die alone

Curled up

Hang on

Stand tall

Rope round

Hell bound

*************************************************************************************

Somewhere in between I also did a Fake Plastic Trees poem. Radiohead really has the best lyrics.

If I could be who you wanted

I wouldn’t have to live this half life

Wondering what I should be.

If I could be who you wanted

I would finally live

Up to all your expectations

Up to all mine.

If I could be who you wanted

I wouldn’t have to crawl

Into the spaces inside of me

And hide away.

**********************************************************************

The rest of it is a little crap. Maybe a little later, I'll try again.

An hour and a few rearrangements later, the crap makes sense.

Pardon me

Incubus

No one can see

Me on my way

To losing my mind

My mistakes amount to nothing

No more this burden I bear

In a world too full of care.

Pardon me

I’m cursed

A moth above the flame

Drawn to death

Craving its light

Fighting the will to fight.

*************************************************************************************

I end the night the way it started hoping tomorrow will come full circle completing me in some tiny way.

Friday

2009-07-31T22:50:00.003+05:30

Golden raindrops
Pink Halters
Wrap Around skirts
Fridays bring a lot of randomness in my life
*************************************************************************************
I wanted to watch Closer.
It's an odd word isn't it?
It can say 'I once was a stranger'
It can say 'I was once ur friend'
It can say a lot of things that don't relate to relationships at all.
My Wordweb says it's a person who closes doors!
*************************************************************************************
I've always wondered bout this
How do ppl have sex in a saree?
Is it absolutely necessary to remove the entire garment?
Other than the Draupadi thing there's the scene in Namesake which makes me wonder.
It's been ages since I wrote my last I wonder post. Sigh!
*************************************************************************************

Coming back

2009-07-26T19:43:00.004+05:30

Tears are falling from my tired, sleepy eyes. The faint smell of food beckons. But I know i need to finish this before it's too late.
***************************************************************************************
Most of the time, it's not the places you miss, it's the people. Today I missed Joyce, I missed Naik. I made a new friend and caught up with some old ones. It was fun hopping from huddle to huddle getting to know them all again. Nothing much has changed. The same people are in charge. The fun ppl dare to dress weird. The weird ppl dare to have fun. And thru all the sparkling bluebells and smokey mountains, our childlike spirits shone thru.
***************************************************************************************
Some reunions are disappointing cos no one shows up.
This wasn't like that.
Some reunions are boring cos it's the same old people.
This was not like that.
Some reunions are fun cos it's been so long.
This was like that.
5 years!!
It feels like yesterday we all wore sarees for the very first time.
It feels like yesterday that we said goodbye to that faithful stone building.
All of us have grown up, none of us have grown old.
Vini still flauts her messy curly hair.
Nothing ever changes.
******************************************************************************
It feels like the world has come to a standstill and it's waiting for you to catch up and then it will start spinning again. Let this pause remain like a time capsule unopened. I'll keep coming back to it in the Tulip room, in the stone chapel, in keepsake boxes and facebook albums.
Time to unload and upload.
**********************************************************************************

Going

2009-07-26T10:25:00.003+05:30

Life feels like the end of an episode of 'America's next top model' where the girl who was eliminated vanishes from this glamourous picture of models in bikinis. The show's called 'Parnika's old best friends' and slowly all the ones that deserve to stay in the show fade away.
***************************************************************************************
Gone going, gone, everyone gone...give a damn...gone be the birds when they don't want to sing..gone people all awkward with their things...gone..
**************************************************************************************

Next Sunday

2009-07-19T19:31:00.003+05:30

I get time for you only on Sundays. I was with a best friend and we did have burgers. But it wasn't as nice as last Sunday. Not that I'm comparing of course.
Just breathe there's nowhere else tonight. I kept wishing he'd show A memory.
Left with a lonely view of life. You've got me wrapped around you. Sweetly lost in you.
I don't belong here
Hello
Hello
An albino!
Always will
Entertain us!
Yay!
I'll be waiting
Common and break the door down
I'm ready
I'm ready
Floating upon the surface
the birds

A lonely view

2009-07-16T10:39:00.002+05:30

It was an innocent question
"Do you believe in love at first sight?"
"Not if someone is looking at ME!" came the immediate response.
She bit her lip pensively.
*******************************************
'How do you feel?'
That is the question
'Not today
I don't feel today'
*******************************************
I miss my hair in my face
I miss falling in grace

I miss home sweet home
I miss not being alone

I miss the way you knew what I was humming
I miss my midnight bath with hot water running

I miss loving you the way i did
Telling you your fears were valid

I miss dancing on the terrace
Burgers with too much lettuce

Creampuffs in the middle of the afternoon
Tell me, just tell me you'll be back soon.

Until then I'll miss you
I'll miss me and I'll miss you.
************************************************

Muddled Musings

Settle Down

I am 23, going on 24...

The Fear

Saved Msgs

AHA Moments

TMI

Her Morning Elegance - Oren Lavie﻿

Ghosts - Laura Marling

Dog Days are Over - Florence and the Machine

Time Capsuled

Enchanting 3ee

Mac

3 dead mosquitoes

Flaming Torch

Cry

Just OK

Happyness

Golden Words

Dug Up Draft

Love You

Sin or Sinner?

rhymes

Enchanting 2oo

Relationship Status

Random Eyes

Marley N Me

Lyrical Coda 2oo

Gazillion watt grin :D

I'm Lovin' it!

My Valentine Song

How Jagat Loved Me

How I Loved Jagat

How We Named Jagat

How I Met Jagat

Little Miss Laugh-a-lot

Lurrrve Poems ;)

Time: 2011

3 old friends

So I'm here writin...

Red Lust

Patient Life

Glittering Teardrops

Enchanting

Easy

Blind Blogging

Spring Cleaning 2oo!

In Limbo

Silver Shoes

Inertia of Emotion

The Girl Without the Red Umbrella

The Girl with the Red Umbrella

Wild Horses 2oo

oh u make me :)

Colour me Purple!

I told u so!

Glass Leaves

Wild Horses

--------------------------------------------------------

IBuMmer!

PUDU post 2oo!

Switchfoot

Partying tonight

Of Wishes and Waffles

PUDU post!

So I'm here writin...

Random Promises

At Work and Hating it!

All Things Nice

Once Upon a Time...

A Wrinkled Tear

Flashback

QuotED 2oo (Calvin n Hobbes special)

Reposting

Feminist rant after reading VW-Room of one's own.

Soul Vacation

Grandparentless

Wake Up To Whoever You Are

Pepper spray

Happy Sesquicentinary!

Her Morning Elegance - Oren Lavie